.soul mates.

this is probably one of those posts that is just for me. not really entertaining, but therapeutic.
so we had out interview at the swedish consulate in toronto on october 15. it official! we are now just waiting for the paperwork to go through. i am really so excited! there are just so many changes that this move will bring, mostly great changes, but then there is the downside. i haven't really allowed myself to think about what this will mean for my sister and i, or my relationship with macy...or the relationship between macy and mya. even as i am writing this i can tell that i am still doing a good job at not really thinking about it too deeply. i do feel sad, but until i get to the point where i can't even fathom the sadness that i am feeling, i know i am still suppressing it. i will get back to that when the time comes.
i have been thinking so much about those people in my life that i can truly call soul mates. "friend" is such an overused and deceiving word, and while i have a couple of true friends, i feel that a true soul mate means so much more. the sad thing is that i am not even that close to some of those people anymore. can i say, without sounding crazy ?!?, that i even dream about it regularly? it kinda consumes my mind more than i would like for it to.
i feel like a lot of my life has been spent saying goodbye to people, so maybe that is why i have such anxiety about losing these people forever. i already don't see ANY of these people as much as i would like (they live in 3 different states in completely different areas of the country) and now i am moving to sweden! is it possible that i may never ever see some of them again?? i can't handle it! it is very depressing for me.
one of these people i grew up with (my first memory of her was probably 4th grade..?) and i am still in contact with her on a very regular basis. that's a good situation. we will last forever. we came from the same place, we enjoyed pregnancy together and we understand each other. i don't fear losing her- she is one of those people that live up to the true sense of the word, friend. one of these people i have only known for 5 years, but she was literally beside me through the hardest times of my life. she was with me when i was going through things that most people wouldn't understand. she didn't write me off, when in reality, her life would have been easier if she had. i never felt that she judged me. she only showed support. we still talk often, but it's not the same as spending time together. one of the sadder situations is a girl that i went to high school with. we talk very rarely, but when we do, we just pick up where we left off. we were bestest friends in high school, then we graduated. our lives took very different paths and we lost touch for a long time, but again, when we caught up with one another, it was just like old times. so now to the worst. this is about a guy that was a very big part of my life for so many years. and like with the other, we graduated and completely lost touch. i always wondered where he was and how he was doing, but we didn't have mutual friends, so i never even heard about him. then one day out of the blue, he messaged me and from there, we have emailed and tried to stay in touch, but we haven't seen each other in 8 years. i really think it is possible that i may never see him again. i can't stand that thought. it really does hurt.
so, what to do? just accept that life works that way?? no way! i can't do that! i want these people to remain in my life, and not just in thought, but in reality. these people have made enormous impacts on my life and i can't stand the thought of being so disconnected from them.
as usual, i pray. i pray about everything. i pray that if these people are really as important in my life as i have made them, that things will work out. i guess that's really all i can do.